We didn't have Halloween this year. We instead went to a two-hour, grade-mandatory piano recital. It's lucky the recital was very, very good, because I was very bitter. Now I'm only a little bit bitter. Mostly I just feel wrong-footed, because it doesn't feel like November because I keep waiting for the Halloween season to start. It's weird.
Beyond that sense of Rip Van Winkleness, life is great. I actually have big news. No, I'm not pregnant. But I am switching majors. (Eden, if you are reading this, pardon me for using excerpts from our emails. The more I try to explain myself, the more convoluted my reasoning seems, and since my email to you was the first time I wrote things down, it's the least complicated explanation).
So . . . I'm changing majors. Chris and I have spent a lot of time on our knees in prayer about what I need to do; because as much as I love music, I am really struggling with feeling "right" about continuing down that path. I feel that all the work I've done in music was certainly meant to be (it brought Chris into my life, for one thing), but now Chris and I are coming to a crossroads with regard to financial planning, career planning, and family planning. We've decided that I'm going to switch to going to school part-time, and gradually working toward my degree, so that I can work and make sure that Chris, as provider, gets through school quickly and with as little debt as possible. Not only that - music is not an ideal degree to work at two or three classes at a time.
I'm switching to (drum roll please) Elementary Education!
I feel really good about this decision. I've always felt that I have a gift with small children, and I felt so fulfilled during the year I worked at Longfellow's kindergarten. I also feel that, for me personally, this major/career will be good for me as a mom. Even with music, I had the feeling that I wouldn't be in the workforce as a choir teacher before having kids, so why the rush and the debt? I'm going to take just a few classes every semester (mostly things that are necessary to take in a live classroom, like the 4 semesters of language and the math classes), work to make sure we can afford to be alive (heheh), and when we have children, take one or two online classes every semester (unless I'm finished by then). I can do my student teaching once our children are elementary school age. That's a pretty big leap of time (and therefore a big leap of faith for me), but I still feel like it's what God wants me to do.
I haven't decided if I'm going to make the switch this coming semester or this coming year, because as an Elementary Ed major, I need to minor in something, and that something can be music, but I need to check the requirements. Plus, I've already committed to being in Shrine of the Ages Choir for the New York tour next semester, so I can't drop at least a few of my music classes. Also, it's not likely that I will get a job at the semester mark anyway. But long story short, I feel really good about this decision, just nervous (especially because I STILL don't have a job lined up, and this switch means I will lose my music scholarship tuition). So, friends and family, your prayers are appreciated as we work out the details of this change.
Last night I had a dream. I was at a summer reading program at Longfellow Elementary, and I was assigned to do small-group drills with Jorge, David, and Ismael, three little boys from kindergarten last year whom I loved, but who were very difficult to work with. Ismael was being his jitterbug self, Jorge was struggling with the concepts, and David, who was smart enough to get it, was busy trying to get attention from me and the others. But although I was working hard with little result, I had a distinct and overwhelming feeling that I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing. I just felt thrilled the whole time. I woke up really happy. It was a nice reinforcement of my own feelings, because last year was undeniably hard, and I came home many days exhausted and in tears. This reminded me that things can be hard AND right, frustrating AND good. Such is life. We'll figure out these changes one way or another, and even if it will be frustrating it will be good and right.
{Besides, all those tears paid off. Our kindergarten showed an increase from around 20% of kids meeting the state standards (a trend for at least the past five years of results I had access to) to 80% of the kids meeting the standards - a HUGE turnaround in one year, one that didn't happen at any other grade levels or in any other schools. We aides definitely had a party about that. Well, honestly, I can't remember the actual statistics off the top of my head. But it was something huge like that. If I find the paperwork I'll post the true numbers}.
On a different subject, Flagstaff turned FREEZING all of a sudden. I mean, I knew this was coming. But now that it's here, I can't say I'm enjoying this weather. The wind is so biting that, no matter how long I sit indoors afterward, I feel like I can never get warm. C-c-c-c-c-cold. I need to get me some cloth gloves and a scarf. I'm weirdly excited, since a scarf is only something I've worn on vacation trip to the snow.
Also, I'm ready for Thanksgiving and Christmas, please. I'm so excited for Christmas music, turkey, nativities, caroling, stockings, Christmas books, Christmas colors, sweets, everything!!! I'm trying to keep myself reined in (I haven't turned on Christmas music yet, nor have I let myself buy the eggnog already on sale at Fry's), but school is wearing me out and it's making me look forward to holiday festivities. Anyone have any favorite holiday traditions?
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