25 Days of Christmas Books: Toddler Edition!

A few weeks ago I was chatting with a dear cousin of mine, when we began brainstorming what we were going to do with our families to keep Christmas Christ-centered. She gave me some lovely ideas that deserve their own post (hopefully I will get to it later in the season once we do them!). Of course, one of the big ones that came up in my mind is Christmas books!  The 25 Days of Christmas books is traveling across the mommy-blogosphere right now, and it really appealed to me as a daily way to keep our Christmas magical AND Christ-centered. I knew I'd have some favorite titles to share with her, so when she asked for some suggestions I began writing down all the books I wanted to use. By the time I was done sending her my list, I realized I had half a blog post on my hands! So here it is and then some!

But this list may be a little different from others you might find. While there are DOZENS of Christmas books that I ADORE, I have to keep in mind that my kiddo is only a toddler. So while I may love "The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey", is Tommy really going to sit through that whole book? Maybe, maybe not, since he's pretty good at sitting through stories for his age. But I can't choose books of that length and complexity night after night. So I went really simple this year, with the majority of the books catering to the toddler and preschool crowd. A lot of these are board books. 13 are Christ-centered/nativity-related, 5 more are giving/serving-based, and 7 are more of the "Christmas magic" sort. I hope you find some books to share with your children, too!

25 BOOKS OF CHRISTMAS: For Toddlers/Youngers/Shorter Attention Spans

Dec. 1: What is Christmas? by Michelle Medlock Adams. It's a cute rhyming board book that goes through all the fun things to do on Christmas while asking what Christmas is really about, then moving to Jesus' birth as the answer. A great kickstarter to the holiday season.

Dec 2: My Very First Christmas Story. Just a sweet, large board book of the nativity story.

Dec. 3: The First Christmas, by Tomie DePaola. This was my husband's favorite Christmas book as a child. That classic, beautiful DePaola artwork is transformed in this gorgeous popup book. Thomas loved it! And so did I.

Dec 4: Room For a Little One, by Martin Waddell. I got this one at Deseret Book last year. In this book of shimmery, gold-flecked art, Kind Ox gives a place to Old Dog, Old Dog makes room for Stray Cat, Stray Cat makes a safe place for Small Mouse, etc., with the refrain of "always room for a little one here" culminating in the arrival of baby Jesus.

Dec. 5: Mickey and Minnie's Gift of the Magi. Yeah, Tommy requested this one three times in a row. He's Mickey obsessed. Plus points is that the cartoon version is on Netflix right now. If your child isn't a Mickey lover, or if you are wanting something less "branded", you can always choose another version of Gift of the Magi.

Dec. 6: The Usborne Touchy-Feely Nativity. Don't worry - while I am an Usborne consultant, I'm not putting this in here to sell to you - because it's out of print! ;) I just love this one anyway. There are multiple textures on each page, from the donkey's ears to the swaddling blanket. And of course, the nativity story in here is simple and sweet.

Dec. 7: Little Tree by e. e. cummings . Something about this book always bring a smile to my face and a lump to my throat. The artwork is so special to me (so get the one illustrated by Deborah Kogan Ray!).

Dec. 8: The Little Drummer Boy, by Ezra Jack Keats. I think this is THE original? This text is just the text o the song, so it could be sung or spoken.

Dec 9: God Bless Our Christmas, by Hannah C. Hall. I wouldn't actually recommend this. . . I got it at a thrift story for a buck, and for it's good size, sweet Arctic animal pictures, etc., it's been a definite win for a toddler. But would I have paid the $10 price on the back, no. If I had money and wanted to make this a perfect list, I'd probably sub this out for Olive the Other Reindeer or Jan Brett's The Mitten.

Dec. 10: The Friendly Beasts. There are many great versions of this song-story of animals giving gifts to the baby Jesus. I can't remember who makes my favorite (my mom owns it).This year we're using The Animals' First Christmas, which is the same text as the friendly beasts but minus two verses and in a board book to keep it Tommy-friendly. This one can also be sung or spoken.

Dec. 11: How the Grinch Stole Christmas. No explanation needed!

Dec. 12: Ummmm. . . I can't find it at the moment to 100% confirm the title, but I think it's A Charlie Brown Christmas. But there are, like, four different versions, at least two of which have different art, and I can't remember which one I ended up choosing at Bookman's. But regardless, gotta have some Charlie Brown every Christmas, right? Go choose the one that looks best to you. ;)

Dec. 13: The Christmas Train by Thomas S. Monson. While this might veer a tiny bit out of the toddler-friendly category, I don't think it will be a problem because of its large, colorful illustrations (and the toy trains!).

Dec 14: The Story of the Nutcracker Ballet. While there are versions I like much better (particularly in the artwork category), we are choosing the one by Deborah Hautzig and illustrated by Diana Goode because it's shorter, and well, I  already have it. And that art's not bad! It's just not as amazing as others I've seen. He's already loving Grandma's nutcrackers this season, so I want to give it some context.

Dec. 15: The Polar Express. Another oldie-but-goodie.

Dec. 16: This is the Star, by Joyce Dunbar and Gary Blythe. A great read-aloud with cumulative rhyme that's soothing to listen to. "This is the angel shining bright, who came to the shepherds watching by night, who saw the star in the sky." By the end there's a lot of text per page, with starker, darker art, so choose it on a good-attention-span kind of night. ;)

Dec. 17: Secrets of Winter. This is the only book on my list that's not a Christmas book, and is instead a winter book. But the fun of this one is that it is a "shine-a-light" book! You use a flashlight behind the page to reveal hidden pictures: rabbits in a snowbank, squirrels in a hollow tree, etc. Tommy loves playing with flashlights with Grandpa, and he loves the Seashore edition of this book we have, so I know it's going to be a hit.

Dec. 18: Christmas in the Manger, by Felicia Bond. Disclaimer: I haven't read this one yet, I'm ordering it. But every review, every picture, and everyone I know who has read it gives it two thumbs up. I'm looking forward to checking it out!

Dec. 19: A Present for Piglet. Just like the God Bless Our Christmas, I wouldn't recommend this for anyone else, per se. But my buddy boy LOVES Winnie the Pooh, and will in fact be having a Pooh-themed birthday party on this very day! So we're going with it. ;) If I were less broke, I'd get "Silent Night", the one with the Thomas Kinkaide illustrations, to put in on this night.

Dec. 20: Noel, by Tony Johnston. This one has lovely watercolor pictures and lush, sensation-oriented poetry. It gives some meaning to what may be an empty Christmas word for kids (and adults, too!). A great read-aloud!

These last five are very special to me, enough so that on three or four of them I'm breaking the rules of "toddler-friendliness". I may have to sum up pages or accept that he won't "get" it, but they are MUSTS for my Christmas season with my family, the ones that will be part of our family Christmas traditions forever.

Dec. 21: The Littlest Angel. I thought everyone knew this classic, but I have discovered that many people don't know this one! It's the sweet story of the littlest angel in heaven as he struggles to adapt to heaven, how he gives his most precious gift to the Christ-child, and how his sacrifice is transformed by God into something most wondrous. I don't know if I've ever read this book without crying. In a good way! Go get this book!

Dec. 22: The Night Before Christmas. While it seems counter-intuitive to not be reading this on Christmas Eve, I save Christmas Eve for the most Christ-centered book. But we're still reading this close enough to Christmas Eve to soak in the magic of it!

Dec. 23: I Believe in Santa Claus. A good follow up after The Night Before Christmas. This beautiful book shows the many ways that Santa is a symbol of Jesus Christ. GO GET THIS BOOK, PLEASE. (and this is an exception to my disclaimer about - this one has beautiful, large illustrations and short, simple sentences). I get teary every time I read this book. This is a win for toddlers and kids.

Dec. 24: When Jesus Was Born in Bethlehem, illustrated by Joseph Brickey. It's all directly from scripture, so it's like the traditional reading of Luke 2. But it's BETTER because it includes more scriptures - ones that remind us of the reason Christ came to earth, the annunciation, etc. . . and the artwork is SO BEAUTIFUL. I really feel the Spirit each time we read from this. My Noble family reads this every Christmas Eve after dinner. Here's a couple of my favorites from this book:

Dec. 25: The Tale of Three Trees. Although I know this will go over Tommy's head in most ways, I think the spirit of this book will carry it through. This folktale tells of three trees who fulfill their aspirations in unexpected but remarkable ways - as they become Jesus' manger, boat, and cross. I think this is a great one for Christmas Day because it helps us look beyond just the manger and on to the purposes of Christ's coming. Can't go a Christmas season without this special book.

So those are our 25 Books of Christmas, toddlerized! Next year or the year after, I will re-work this list to include many of MY favorite titles that I had to leave off since he's so little! Classics like The Christmas Candle, or new favorites like Angela and the Baby Jesus. I can't wait to introduce to Tommy to some of those, once his attention span and interest have reached their level!

I'm always on the lookout for new children's books, especially Christmas. So if you have any recommendations, send 'em my way!

Growing, Learning, and Giving Thanks

My blog stands as Exhibit A in the showcase, "Evidence that People Never Change". Well, I suppose they do. That's the idea. And yet since elementary school, my journals are riddled with gaping holes of time followed by apologetic re-introductions as I explain why I haven't written in so long and how I'm going to do better at consistently writing. This blog is no different. Hello again, folks! So I'll skip the excuses and jump right into a bit of catch-up!

Chris is growing and learning. His first year of teaching is underway! He got off to a great start at one of the "pillar" schools of Mesa, where he loves the kids and the kids love him. He's definitely got a lot to do and a lot to learn, but he's pushing through the curve balls and loving his work. He's also being helped and supported by a great parent system over there. The holidays (an EXTRA crazy time for musicians) are bearing down on him, and he(we) are taking the deep breath before the plunge. I am so proud of him for all he is doing. I am also grateful for how he rises in the wee hours of the morning to walk to the bus, how he comes home from a busy school day and still jumps in to rescue me and Tommy from each other at the end of our long days, and how cheerfully he works at both his day job and "home job".

Tommy is growing and learning. Can I say again just how much I love this age? This age is all about exploration, hugs, tantrums, park days, Grandma's house, Pooh Bear, Woody and Buzz, singing to oneself, the beginnings of make believe, animal crackers, making messes, getting into power plays, doggies, and kitties. He's the freakin' best, even when it's the worst. His current favorite movies are Toy Story 2 and Mary Poppins. His favorite songs are "The Wheels on the Bus" and "Jingle Bells" (we get a head start on the Christmas season in these parts). Tommy is good at matching pitch and really good at having meltdowns when things don't go exactly his way in a play date. His favorite treat is M&Ms. He's quite the articulate little talker (or maybe it's just my mom brain knowing what he's saying), and has a few daily phrases I hope to remember when he's older: "Oh yiiiiehhhsss" ("oh yes" high to low, when he's particularly pleased about what he's being offered); "move please" ("get out of my way, or off the couch, or go in another room so I can do something naughty"); "Superalissandlena" (a weird conglomeration of supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and Alex and Lena from Signing Time); "two, three, eight, nine!" (his way of counting without thinking about it first, and also his way of saying he wants a lot of something). At the store the other day, as he asked if we were all done and when I said, "two or three more things", he responded enthusiastically in higher and higher pitches, "two, three, eight, nine M&Ms! Oh, danchou, mama! danchou!" ("Thank you!") Needless to say, we got some M&Ms.

I am growing and learning too. I'm growing as a full-time mom, having taken a semester off from my kids' groups while Chris gets settled in to his first year of teaching. I'm still working on my anxiety and depression (with some success) and on my sugar addiction (without much success). It's hard. I'm trying to stop arguing with, and crying for, the world. It's hard. I'm working on channeling my sensitivities and my stress into better avenues. I'm working on learning to be creative and frugal with our finances, which have definitely taken a hard hit from losing my paycheck and adding on health insurance and other "real adult" bills. I've been exercising consistently for, like, the third time in my life! I'm working on not hating myself when I don't succeed in the above areas. I'm learning to redefine what success means in my head. I'm trying to establish meaningful, dynamic relationships with Heavenly Father (which has always come naturally for me), and Jesus Christ (which has always required a bit more effort for some reason). And I'm gratefully growing where I'm planted in this lovely house, this nice ward, this beautiful time of year, and with my sweet boys. 

In this month of Thanksgiving, I truly have been giving thanks - for the tender mercies from Heavenly Father that have rescued us each time I think I cannot make it another day, financially or emotionally. For my sweet husband who is my rock and my motor when the going gets tough. For my Tommy who brings laughter and love to my life. For my mother for being my best friend, a source of consolation and encouragement. For anonymous and not-so-anonymous angels. For friends old and new. For family born into and married into. For the remembrance that God has a plan for all of us, even when there is so much pain, suffering, evil, and misunderstanding in the world. For the kindness and courage that all of us are capable of. And for the remembrance that Jesus Christ is a SAVIOR, THE Savior, in our simplest struggles and our heaviest sins and trials. Happy Thanksgiving.

And now, my beloved brethren, I desire that ye should remember these things, and that ye . . . contend no more against the Holy Ghost, but that ye receive it, and take upon you the name of Christ; that ye humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you." - Alma 34:37-38

In Which Aubrey Whines and Then Counts Her Blessings

Hello The Internets. I really just want to whine for a while, and I think my husband has absorbed all the whining on his own, which certainly isn't nice. So here I am. I got scabies last weekend, and it's been the WORST.
I don't care that that's not socially acceptable to announce on a blog. I just wanna vent about it. Don't know how or where I got it, but I know that's what it is since I've had it once before. And it has itched like a *$!#*. I have burned myself with tea tree oil, bleach, scrubbed with borax, taken scalding baths in hydrogen peroxide/borax/tea tree oil multiple times a day, and paid over 60 bucks for six-freaking-ounces of prescription permethrin cream. Ain't nobody got time for all that. Especially me. Right now. And after all that, I'm still covered in festering blistery bumps that are making me miserable. So what's the deal?
Then I read about this thing called Post Scabies Syndrome. Which is basically all the same reactions in your body as scabies, except as a RESULT of the scabies treatment rather than as a result of the scabies. So how, I ask you, am I supposed to tell if I killed all the little mother-buggers or if it's a reaction to the insecticide treatment?? Because I'd really like to snuggle my son again! And stop having to boil everything I touch. And you know, not infect the Magic Music Kidz I'll be working with come Monday. Although really, I can't imagine that the little devils have survived the permethrin cream (and my rigorous routine of burning myself with water and chemicals on a daily basis). My hands and feet actually have larger burn areas than blister areas, and they are killing me! I can't even lay them out flat or curl them up without pain. And yet I keep waking up with itches in the night. UGGGGGGGH.
I know there are worse things out there that people have to deal with. But right now, I'm feeling lonely and dirty and itchy and burned and with a to-do list getting longer than I can keep up with because of taking care of this. So I'd like to have my whine. So there!

Now that I've had it, I'm feeling guilty because I'm supposed to be writing about my joys. And because I always end my posts with a scripture or uplifting quote, and how am I supposed to uphold that tradition after I just spent a whole post literally doing nothing but whine? Hm.
I think I shall balance it out a bit by counting some of my most recent things to be thankful for.

1. Getting scabies has caused me to scrub my house from top to bottom, and it really needed it. It's been hard to keep the house clean after a move when you're still unpacking, and I've never been the cleanest person. Maybe this was what I needed to get back to square one and to make some changes in my home habits?
2. I've gotten out of a LOT of diaper changing lately due to the scabies. ;)
3. Chris. Chris is ALWAYS on my list of things to be thankful for. And as usual he is pulling me along, encouraging me, and helping me lift my own loads a bit.
4. Tommy, who is also always on my list of things to be thankful for. It's been hard for him and for me to not be able to be close this week, but we have found other ways to have fun together. And well, yes, watch more movies than usual, too.
5. Our new refrigerator. It might seem random amidst everything else on this list, but it's been such a blessing - and a game changer! Our other fridge ruined produce and had uneven warm and cool spots, and because of that I gave up on even trying to eat healthy or buy healthy options. With the help of some earthly angels, we got ourselves a new fridge! And now it's stocked full of fruits and veggies, and I am loving it so much!

Okay, I am feeling better and I think I can end on that note. May your weekend be blessing-filled and scabies-free!

"Remembering mine affliction and my misery . . . My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me. This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:19-23

WE ARE MOVING!

We are moving! We thought it best to keep it under wraps until it was a for-sure thing, and now with only one week to go, it had better be for sure, right? ;)
We've been looking to move out from our in-laws as soon as we could afford to. But we were looking for a rental house on an apartment budget, and hadn't found anything that both felt right AND was affordable. Aside from that, my parents (especially my mother) had been on the hunt for a "flipping" house for a while now, and were hoping for it to be one that we could move into. Admittedly, this new house was not a perfect picture of what my mom was visualizing. But she and my dad have followed wisdom and promptings step by step, and this is where we have ended up. Interestingly, although the owners received higher offers, they accepted my parents' offer over those higher offers. So that certainly feels like a sign and a blessing to me!
And to be honest? I'm just crazy about the house! Maybe it's because I've been longing to be in my own home for years now. Maybe it's because in our almost five years of marriage we've lived in four places and have made mini-moves every summer, and the idea of settling for a while is appealing. Maybe it's because I have been living at my in-laws for almost a year now, and am excited to unpack all my stuff that's been in storage for a year (oh mini-library, how I've missed thee!). I'm excited to play my own music and make my own noise without bugging neighbors and family (or being bugged by anyone else). I'm happy to finally get to structure Tommy's nap and bedtime based on my own timetable (haha, like that's actually going to happen, but I can try!). I'm feeling driven to start my own garden. Basically, if the house were dark purple and covered in polka dots, I'd still be happy about this move. And besides, even if it's not our favorite on the outside, I think it's pretty cute on the inside! It's small but open, and was well-taken-care-of around the edges. I am looking forward to settling in and making it a lovely home.
I'm aware that I'm going to get a rude awakening to my rosy image of living in a home of our own. We've been blessed (and spoiled) by the incredible generosity of my in-laws, and parents. We're going to be shocked at paying utilities on a house in the Arizona summer, and we're going to miss being able to use someone else' washer and dryer. But that's what, you know, independent adults do - they pay their own bills and take care of their own needs. And I'm really happy that we are in a place to start standing on our own feet. Chris is finally working as a sub for MPS, and we got his first paycheck today. Gainful employment looks good on him. ;)
Although, let's be real, our "standing on our own feet" isn't even that - we are renting from my parents at a great rate, and they made the decision to sacrifice to buy the house with us in mind. They are not putting us through the fees, or the month of rent in advance, or other ways they could be charging us. So yeah, we are feeling very grateful.
The move will probably be a gradual one, due to the busyness of our end-of-school-year schedules (I'm feeling exceptionally overwhelmed in addition to exceptionally blessed!). But we will be getting a truck on Saturday morning the 25th and are hoping to get as much of the move done as possible on that day. We be moving out towards Power and University.
Oh, and if anyone is still reading this and wants to, I dunno, join the Elders Quorum and help us move or sumthin', we'd be super grateful. There will be donuts and juice! :) 


"We have paused on some plateaus long enough. Let us resume our journey forward and upward." - President Spencer W. Kimball, April 1979 Conference

Thoughts on Making a Christmas Season Out of Easter

Happy Maundy Thursday, friends. It's been a very meaningful Holy Week for us as we experience each day of the Savior's final week, and as we look toward Easter Sunday (and General Conference).
Originally, I had all kinds of awesome ideas about how to celebrate Easter in a way that was joyful and Christ-centered. I wanted to do a Passover meal this Friday and did tons of research in preparation. I was going to make Resurrection Rolls and Resurrection Eggs and Jesus-themed Easter baskets and do all kinds of service projects and read all kinds of books and - well, you get the idea.
But with how crazy our life has been (more on that in another post), I had to let go of my Pinterest-inspired ideals. I don't even think we're going to do Easter egg decorating this year. But it has nonetheless been a joyful and Christ-centered Easter season, mainly due to two simple changes. These changes are inspired by the feeling I get at Christmastime. What makes Christmas feel so good to me that I want it all year round? Because I want to have that feeling for Easter, too! For me,the top two things that make the season are:

1. The music.
2. The gratitude/giving back - in other words, service.

Think about it. For many of us at Christmastime, both of these things are what provide the Warm'n'Fuzzies to our hearts throughout the season, even more than the trappings. And the same is true of Easter.

1. The Music!
So for music, I put together a few different playlists on YouTube - one for the spring/Easter season, one for Holy Week, and one for Easter Morn - and have been playing them around the house for several weeks now. Some of it is the Bible videos made by the LDS Church. Some of it is those great Mormon Tabernacle Choir ones with the video footage inter-cut with the choir singing - my little guy loves watching the animals, the scenery, and the Bible reenactment footage that accompanies each music video.

It has truly made a difference in our Easter season. I am overwhelmed as I observe the beauty of the earth. I am humbled as I watch the Savior kneel in the garden, for us. Praying, for us. Suffering, for us. And rising in triumph and power and love, for us. Having music and videos every day reminding me of God's love has kept it present on the surface of my mind, and has absolutely influenced my daily attitude. The music itself has that effect. As I ponder the words of "O Savior, Thou Who Wearest a Crown", I am brought to contemplation and gratitude:

No creature is so lowly,

No sinner so depraved,

But feels thy presence holy

And thru thy love is saved.

Tho craven friends betray thee,

They feel thy love's embrace;

The very foes who slay thee

Have access to thy grace.

I cannot add more than an "amen" to such transcendent, eloquent truth. I'm so grateful for Jesus Christ and His Atonement. And this Easter I'm grateful for the gift of music to help teach us about the Savior, and to use as a tool to testify to ourselves and others. 

2. The Service

Sometimes the thought of service overwhelms me. More often than not, actually. One of my biggest struggles in life is just being too darn tired to move my feet. That sounds funny, but it isn't at all. I will often cry when I wake up in the morning because the tiredness feels likes it's going to drown me. I wake up exhausted, I spend my day in alternating spurts of feel-good adrenaline and numbing exhaustion, and I go to bed completely drained. Ever since pregnancy I cannot remember NOT being tired. The exhaustion is perhaps the biggest piece in the spiral of depression, anxiety, and unhealthy eating habits. So when I hear talks about giving more service, more time, and more energy, just the thought of it makes my system shut down. I've only got about 3 hours of "give-worthy" energy in any given day, and I "NEED" that time, doesn't anyone understand that?! I think inwardly. Selfish, I know.
Well, I am slowly learning that it is possible to serve and be tired and still survive. And that service feels good, even when it feels tiring. And there is perhaps no greater way to honor the Savior during the Easter season than to serve others with love. "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me", the Savior taught. With that in mind, we have tried to add daily acts of service to the past three weeks. The kinds of service I/we have given have been very small things. But they have been conscious, daily, out of my ordinary rhythm, and done in love.

Although I'm sure that all those other plans I had will still enhance Easters to come, making these two changes was, for now, the best way to bring the Spirit into our homes this Easter season.

I know this is just a personal blog, read by my mother and my husband more than by anyone else. And yet I cannot pass by this easy opportunity to bear testimony of our Savior. Jesus Christ lives! Because He lives, the grave does not hold victory over our relationships. There is life after death. And Because He so loved (and loves), sin does not hold victory over our hearts, and we can find everlasting life. Families can be eternal. Pain will be replaced with peace and joy. We can return to a happiness we don't even remember - the happiness we held in the presence of our Heavenly Father and Mother. I think this Easter, I am more than ever appreciating that through the Atonement of Christ, we will find those family relationships with our Heavenly Parents, and hold them eternally; and that we can also keep our own families eternally in the hereafter. I wish I had a profound way to end that testimony, but I guess the profound thing is that a testimony doesn't end. It keeps growing as we grow in light and truth, until we reach the perfect day and we see Him as He is. For now, all I can do is feel grateful.

"O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." - 1 Corinthian 15:55-57

Mom's Day Off

I had a mini-miracle over Spring Break, thanks to my sweet husband Chris. I had a Mom's Day Off!
Originally, we'd been planning to take a trip to Snowflake with the in-laws to visit some family. I was looking forward to the trip, having never spent time in Snowflake or gone to the Snowflake temple, and we were invited by my parents-in-law who were actually driving us up there. But I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I've been getting terrible sleep lately. Well, you know, since having a kiddo over a year ago. I'm incredibly behind on all my kid music group prep and voice lesson prep. I only shower every . . . well, let's not even admit the infrequency of showering out loud. I'm living in a wreck. I felt like a hoarder about to be suffocated in a sandwich of scattered sheet music and dirty laundry (and it wasn't as far from a hoarding house as you might think, actually).
So even though this trip would be a "fun break", it was actually the last straw that broke the camel's back. And as I was anxiously speaking aloud my mental checklist of things to do before the trip, Chris offered to let me stay home. By myself. For 28 hours.
Now, to be clear, this is a complete anomaly - due to Chris's choroideremia, he cannot drive. So theoretically, we are never in a position for me to really make use of his offers to give me a break, because that means I either have to go someplace else, or take him and Tommy someplace else and bring them back before nap time or lunch time or bed time, etc. And then he tries to give me a break when we're all home, it just doesn't happen - I'm sure every mom out there knows how that goes.
Enter awesome parents-in-law. Who took him and Tommy on the trip without me. :) Thanks, M&D! They left on Wednesday morning and came back Thursday morning. I think it was my first night away from Thomas since he's been born?
So, wanna know what my perfect Mom's Day Off looks like?

It looks like:
A bubble bath, actually shaving my legs, and making my own sugar scrub for my KP arms.
A YouTube morning yoga routine that I can actually do without a baby trying to stand on my stomach.
8 loads of laundry. AKA all the clothes and blankets we own washed, dried, and put away. *satisfied sigh*
A 2 hour phone conversation with my newly-engaged best friend from high school. ^_^
A 2 hour late-night hangout with my best friend from college. :D
(All that was missing was a 2 hour play date with my two mommy best friends, and then I would have basically seen all of my friends in one day. ;) )
A good chat with my mom. <3
A trip to the bookstore.
Reading and listening to my scriptures at my own leisure.
Leaving my phone inside and lying in a hammock outside in the rain.
A 3 hour nonstop cleaning frenzy in which I cleaned every bit of the laundry room, Tommy's room, and part of my music files.
Emptying the hole punch drawer three times because of how much sheet music I taped, punched, and sorted.
Sleeping in. Late. Later than I'm gonna say here. Originally the plan was to go to bed early and get up early, but when you have the chance to see an old friend at the last minute, you let that fly out the window.
Another bubble bath. And another shower.

My day off really did get rid of The Crazy, better than any therapy or medication. I just needed the right kind of silence and the right kind of sound for a while. I got both of those through finally sitting in silence with no one but myself. Feeling my feelings and experiencing what my Self feels like, without putting either of those things on hold for my family, my commitments, or anything else. And yet what truly made the day special was reconnecting with my two dearest friends, feeling love for them and being loved. As much as I love my family (and I love them more than anything in the world!!), I think I've missed friends. I'm not very good at making friends, it seems. And lately I've been feeling a little lonely and not sure if I'm "worthy" of the people around me that I want to be friends with, But in all the ways that matter most, I have kept the friends I've made! And boy are they the most incredible people in the world! I'm constantly amazed at the kind of people they are. Even when we fall out of touch in the busyness of life, I know that I have a bond with them that is meaningful and real and uplifts the kind of person I am.
I told Chris we should make this an annual thing. ;) Maybe a recurring Mother's Day gift or something? A "Get Out of Jail Free" card to be redeemed at some point within the course of that year? I think every mom needs one! Because it was so much more necessary than I realized it was. I thought it was just to take a breather, but I guess I didn't realize how long I'd been holding my breath! Thank you, Chris, for giving me that space and time, for taking our little guy on an overnight trip (not an easy task, I know!) and doing it all cheerfully. You are a marvel! Thank you for giving me some time to find peace - something that constantly seems to elude me, yet something that I always crave. That sense of peace really can be something that is rooted within, independent of outward circumstances; and yet I needed some time to nurture it. Now it's time for me to take the peace I found in the silence and keep it within me as the whirlwinds of day-to-day life pick up again.

"Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all." - 2 Thessalonians 3:16

Child of Mine

It seems that lately I've only been dusting off my blog to use it as a soapbox. Well, midnight musings (and rants) are not the only thing I want to use this blog for! It's Tommy Time! Prepare for a picture overload!
In one week, Thomas will be fifteen months. Craaaazy.

I don't know if I'm finally coming out of some of the fog of postpartum depression or if I simply enjoy toddlers more than babies, but I feel like Tommy and I are falling into a great rhythm together lately. I feel like I'm finally, fully appreciating the bright little spirit he is. He is such fun! Thomas is a major chatterbox, learning new words every few days and babbling to fill in the ones he doesn't know. He is still an atrocious napper and a consistent night-waker, but instead of his usually push and pull he's become a bit more of a cuddlebug - I love it. We are friends, y'know? And we can work through things even when one (or both ;) ) of us has a meltdown. This is bigger progress for me than you will ever know, folks! And it's such a joy to see him learning about the world around him. I have deliberately tried give him opportunities to just soak up the lovely world we live in - to feel that the world is a beautiful place. Because it is.

Tommy is so full of energy, and within minutes of waking up in the morning he is asking for "side?" (outside?) "pah?" (park?), and "bye-bye!" (let's go someplace!). We spend so much time outside that I'm afraid for summer to hit. What are we gonna do in the 100-degree-plus weather?! As awesome as splash pads are for the little ones, I can't say I'm thrilled at the prospect of baking myself. It doesn't take much to wear me out, I still have days when just getting out of bed makes me want to cry. So I'm barely staying ahead of the edge of the metaphorical treadmill as is; I'll be in serious trouble when summer hits if I don't come up with a game plan!
For now my game plan for when I'm wiped out - use Winnie-the-Pooh to lure him back inside.

This boy LOVES Pooh. Watches it almost every day. No need to judge me, I'm already judging myself for the amount of Pooh, Daniel Tiger, and Curious George that this under-two (a.k.a. no-screen-time-allowed) kiddo is watching. But seriously, look at that roly-poly backside - Tommy's, not Pooh's - and tell me that his love of Pooh is not adorable.

Outside of Pooh and the outdoors, Thomas loves his bestest buddy Dadda, dancing to his music toys, snuggles, bath time, throwing things he's not supposed to, eating enormous amounts of bananas and eggs (separately), his grandparents and extended family, balls, climbing up and down his mama endlessly, "Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb", and pushing the buttons on the microwave. Tommy shows me life through a new lens - one that is more appreciative of the simple pleasures of life. It makes me more grateful. Grateful for cool breezes, swishy swings, colors, hugs, and music.

But mostly I am grateful for this child of mine.

"And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, 
And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. 

Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me." - Matthew 18:2-5

"But Wisdom is Justified of All Her Children."

Recently, I have seen some pretty crazy arguments swirling around in my online social circles. Vaccines, leggings, gun rights, sleep training, the definition of pornography, sidewalk harassment, the eyebrows of a girl featured on a popular T.V. show, you name it - and through it all I have seen a lot of nastiness pouring out. This is happening amongst a set of people who, for the most part, at least partially subscribe to a Christian belief system and set of values. Some of the nasty is getting passed off as humor. Some of it is getting passed off as holier-than-thou/more-intelligent-than-thou. A lot of it is rooted in false assumptions - assumptions that someone is judging you because they a different standard, or is ignorant/evil for not having your standard, or that being funny or being in the majority can justify being mean to someone else. And most of it is fairly hypocritical (which is not necessarily invalidating - it's what it means to be human and to have higher values than we can live up to all the time - but isn't a badge of honor either). The irony is that those of us who tell others to follow Christ's example and not judge, often aren't very good at following Christ's example of kindness and love in the way we do it; and those of us who tell others to accept decisions we make in our efforts to follow Christ aren't very good at following His admonitions about judging.


Now, I am an overly-sensitive soul. TOO sensitive. I have been known to cry when someone says something mean to someone else and it has absolutely nothing to do with me. News articles about suffering needle me for weeks. Sometimes I'll lie awake for hours thinking of all the ways I can "fix" the stressful situations I see around me, especially when I see otherwise good people being ornery. So at first, I was tempted to jump in to defend whoever was the underdog in a conversation -regardless of whether I agreed with them or not. I wanted to knock down unnecessary sarcasm, call people back to kindness! What can't we all just be MERCIFUL to one another, regardless of where we stand!? We're all awesome, reasonable, loving women, right? We have more in common than we have differences! But of course, getting involved only brought me down more, and it never, ever convinced anyone to be more considerate. We have too many heartstrings attached to these issues to let a stranger snip those strings free by simply saying "be nice". Chris has reminded me not to take things too much to heart, to remember that it is human nature for people to make fun of each other, and reasonable people should not swallow those hurtful criticisms into their sense of being. For all I knew, those people being made fun of weren't hurt, so why was I hurt for them?? But some other pieces weren't sitting well with me . . .

Where do we, as awesomereasonablelovingwomen, draw the line between what is and is not an acceptable way to treat other people with regard to those "heartstrings issues"? How do we defend our opinions with kindness? When is it even necessary to defend opinions? When is humor mean, and when is it okay and fun? Where are we coming from when we defend or attack someone else? What kind of guidance can we follow when we feel compelled to speak up or down to someone? Most of all - how can such awesome women have such different opinions and still coexist in the body of Christ?

So I prayed about the answer to my concerns. Was it "judge not, that ye be not judged"? Was it the Savior's (seemingly contradictory) admonition to "judge righteous judgment"? Was it found in "Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, for the Son of Man’s sake. Rejoice ye in that day. . . for, behold, your reward is great in heaven."? Or was it found in "“And of some have compassion, making a difference.”

This morning in my scripture study in Luke 7, I found my particular answer. Maybe it is yours, too.
To set the scene - Jesus has just made Himself known as "he who should come" unto the disciples of John the Baptist. He has also just declared that "there is not a greater prophet than John the Baptist". But the Pharisees, surprise surprise, are rejecting both Him and John. Then comes this:

"And the Lord said, Whereunto then shall I liken the men of this generation? and to what are they like?  

They are like unto children sitting in the marketplace, and calling one to another, and saying, We have piped unto you, and ye have not danced; we have mourned to you, and ye have not wept.

For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine; and ye say, He hath a devil.

The Son of man is come eating and drinking; and ye say, Behold a gluttonous man, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners!

But wisdom is justified of all her children."

This scripture has continued to roll over me again and again like waves.Wisdom is justified of all her children.

So, to translate this into AubreySpeak. John the Baptist chose to follow Christ through fasting, solitude, and sober living. And Jesus said there was no greater prophet - he was definitely following Christ in his decisions. But Jesus himself chose to eat and drink, to attend weddings and to live amongst the people. Jesus didn't do things the same as John the Baptist. And yet, he didn't tell John that he was wrong - he was doing things right! And as for John the Baptist, he didn't do things the exactly the same as Jesus - the man whom he was most trying to follow and honor! The fact that Jesus chose to "come eating and drinking" didn't change who He was, or what His mission was, in the eyes of John - that was only in the eyes of the Pharisees. So. Why would Christ honor John the Baptist fasting? Why would John honor Jesus living an ordinary life?

Because wisdom is justified of all her children. Both John's lifestyle and Jesus' lifestyle were justified through the fact that they arrived at that lifestyle through following wisdom. The Pharisees' hypocritical lifestyle was "justified", or vindicated, as hypocritical, through the results it had for them eternally.

If we are seeking to follow wisdom - in the decisions that guide our lives, in the way we treat others, in our striving to listen to the Holy Ghost or that inner moral compass - then the results, or "children", will show that wisdom for what it is. The fruits of decisions that we try to make in wisdom will be manifest in our lives, and will do that wisdom credit in the end. Now, this isn't saying that every decisions is right, or equal. But it says to me that it will prove its worth one way or another in the end, and that exercising wisdom in my own life is more valuable for me than trying to pry into the lives of others and exercise it there. We can talk all we want about the merits of one point of view versus another, and that is healthy, as it teaches us new vantages of wisdom, empathy, and discernment - but it doesn't change hearts unless those hearts, and our hearts, are seeking after the best wisdom. It is the Pharisees who waste their lives labeling. It is Christ who reminds us to follow Him, to seek after wisdom.

But sometimes we're not good at that. Our generation, too, is like children in the marketplace, telling each other to play at partying or at mourning. We shout to the one side that they need to dance, and they shout back to us that we need to mourn. We accuse each other of "having a devil" - or of being a judgmental prude for choosing to not wear leggings. We accuse each other of being "a gluttonous man" - or of not being worthy of being taken seriously because of a past mistake or a viewpoint on another issue. Even for being a sensitive soul, I do it in my head more than I care to admit. And gosh I want to change! 

This scripture feels like a turning point for me. When I am tempted to argue - seek wisdom, and the children of that decision (love, patience and restraint) will justify it. When I am tempted to assume that someone is in the wrong, whether for judging or for making fun of someone - seek wisdom, and the children of that wisdom (a more empathetic, lighthearted and forgiving heart) will justify it. When I am tempted to fight to defend a heartstrings issue - seek wisdom, and the children of wisdom (letting go of pride, or letting someone experience their own journey to wisdom for themselves) will justify it. And for those around me, when I'm tempted to "preach" in their face - know that they will experience the fruits of their decisions in their own life, for better or for worse, and have their own chance for their wisdom to justify itself or not. And that if I'm not preaching in love and kindness, the fruits of that LACK of wisdom will end up coming back to me.

In the end, ALL of those scriptures above - not judging AND judging, defending AND exercising compassion - are the answers. But today, this was the answer that I needed. Hope this will touch someone else too.

"But wisdom is justified of all her children". - Luke 7:45