Mom's Day Off

I had a mini-miracle over Spring Break, thanks to my sweet husband Chris. I had a Mom's Day Off!
Originally, we'd been planning to take a trip to Snowflake with the in-laws to visit some family. I was looking forward to the trip, having never spent time in Snowflake or gone to the Snowflake temple, and we were invited by my parents-in-law who were actually driving us up there. But I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I've been getting terrible sleep lately. Well, you know, since having a kiddo over a year ago. I'm incredibly behind on all my kid music group prep and voice lesson prep. I only shower every . . . well, let's not even admit the infrequency of showering out loud. I'm living in a wreck. I felt like a hoarder about to be suffocated in a sandwich of scattered sheet music and dirty laundry (and it wasn't as far from a hoarding house as you might think, actually).
So even though this trip would be a "fun break", it was actually the last straw that broke the camel's back. And as I was anxiously speaking aloud my mental checklist of things to do before the trip, Chris offered to let me stay home. By myself. For 28 hours.
Now, to be clear, this is a complete anomaly - due to Chris's choroideremia, he cannot drive. So theoretically, we are never in a position for me to really make use of his offers to give me a break, because that means I either have to go someplace else, or take him and Tommy someplace else and bring them back before nap time or lunch time or bed time, etc. And then he tries to give me a break when we're all home, it just doesn't happen - I'm sure every mom out there knows how that goes.
Enter awesome parents-in-law. Who took him and Tommy on the trip without me. :) Thanks, M&D! They left on Wednesday morning and came back Thursday morning. I think it was my first night away from Thomas since he's been born?
So, wanna know what my perfect Mom's Day Off looks like?

It looks like:
A bubble bath, actually shaving my legs, and making my own sugar scrub for my KP arms.
A YouTube morning yoga routine that I can actually do without a baby trying to stand on my stomach.
8 loads of laundry. AKA all the clothes and blankets we own washed, dried, and put away. *satisfied sigh*
A 2 hour phone conversation with my newly-engaged best friend from high school. ^_^
A 2 hour late-night hangout with my best friend from college. :D
(All that was missing was a 2 hour play date with my two mommy best friends, and then I would have basically seen all of my friends in one day. ;) )
A good chat with my mom. <3
A trip to the bookstore.
Reading and listening to my scriptures at my own leisure.
Leaving my phone inside and lying in a hammock outside in the rain.
A 3 hour nonstop cleaning frenzy in which I cleaned every bit of the laundry room, Tommy's room, and part of my music files.
Emptying the hole punch drawer three times because of how much sheet music I taped, punched, and sorted.
Sleeping in. Late. Later than I'm gonna say here. Originally the plan was to go to bed early and get up early, but when you have the chance to see an old friend at the last minute, you let that fly out the window.
Another bubble bath. And another shower.

My day off really did get rid of The Crazy, better than any therapy or medication. I just needed the right kind of silence and the right kind of sound for a while. I got both of those through finally sitting in silence with no one but myself. Feeling my feelings and experiencing what my Self feels like, without putting either of those things on hold for my family, my commitments, or anything else. And yet what truly made the day special was reconnecting with my two dearest friends, feeling love for them and being loved. As much as I love my family (and I love them more than anything in the world!!), I think I've missed friends. I'm not very good at making friends, it seems. And lately I've been feeling a little lonely and not sure if I'm "worthy" of the people around me that I want to be friends with, But in all the ways that matter most, I have kept the friends I've made! And boy are they the most incredible people in the world! I'm constantly amazed at the kind of people they are. Even when we fall out of touch in the busyness of life, I know that I have a bond with them that is meaningful and real and uplifts the kind of person I am.
I told Chris we should make this an annual thing. ;) Maybe a recurring Mother's Day gift or something? A "Get Out of Jail Free" card to be redeemed at some point within the course of that year? I think every mom needs one! Because it was so much more necessary than I realized it was. I thought it was just to take a breather, but I guess I didn't realize how long I'd been holding my breath! Thank you, Chris, for giving me that space and time, for taking our little guy on an overnight trip (not an easy task, I know!) and doing it all cheerfully. You are a marvel! Thank you for giving me some time to find peace - something that constantly seems to elude me, yet something that I always crave. That sense of peace really can be something that is rooted within, independent of outward circumstances; and yet I needed some time to nurture it. Now it's time for me to take the peace I found in the silence and keep it within me as the whirlwinds of day-to-day life pick up again.

"Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all." - 2 Thessalonians 3:16

Child of Mine

It seems that lately I've only been dusting off my blog to use it as a soapbox. Well, midnight musings (and rants) are not the only thing I want to use this blog for! It's Tommy Time! Prepare for a picture overload!
In one week, Thomas will be fifteen months. Craaaazy.

I don't know if I'm finally coming out of some of the fog of postpartum depression or if I simply enjoy toddlers more than babies, but I feel like Tommy and I are falling into a great rhythm together lately. I feel like I'm finally, fully appreciating the bright little spirit he is. He is such fun! Thomas is a major chatterbox, learning new words every few days and babbling to fill in the ones he doesn't know. He is still an atrocious napper and a consistent night-waker, but instead of his usually push and pull he's become a bit more of a cuddlebug - I love it. We are friends, y'know? And we can work through things even when one (or both ;) ) of us has a meltdown. This is bigger progress for me than you will ever know, folks! And it's such a joy to see him learning about the world around him. I have deliberately tried give him opportunities to just soak up the lovely world we live in - to feel that the world is a beautiful place. Because it is.

Tommy is so full of energy, and within minutes of waking up in the morning he is asking for "side?" (outside?) "pah?" (park?), and "bye-bye!" (let's go someplace!). We spend so much time outside that I'm afraid for summer to hit. What are we gonna do in the 100-degree-plus weather?! As awesome as splash pads are for the little ones, I can't say I'm thrilled at the prospect of baking myself. It doesn't take much to wear me out, I still have days when just getting out of bed makes me want to cry. So I'm barely staying ahead of the edge of the metaphorical treadmill as is; I'll be in serious trouble when summer hits if I don't come up with a game plan!
For now my game plan for when I'm wiped out - use Winnie-the-Pooh to lure him back inside.

This boy LOVES Pooh. Watches it almost every day. No need to judge me, I'm already judging myself for the amount of Pooh, Daniel Tiger, and Curious George that this under-two (a.k.a. no-screen-time-allowed) kiddo is watching. But seriously, look at that roly-poly backside - Tommy's, not Pooh's - and tell me that his love of Pooh is not adorable.

Outside of Pooh and the outdoors, Thomas loves his bestest buddy Dadda, dancing to his music toys, snuggles, bath time, throwing things he's not supposed to, eating enormous amounts of bananas and eggs (separately), his grandparents and extended family, balls, climbing up and down his mama endlessly, "Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb", and pushing the buttons on the microwave. Tommy shows me life through a new lens - one that is more appreciative of the simple pleasures of life. It makes me more grateful. Grateful for cool breezes, swishy swings, colors, hugs, and music.

But mostly I am grateful for this child of mine.

"And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, 
And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. 

Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me." - Matthew 18:2-5